I am struggling to let go of Atticas. I don’t want to get rid of any of his toys, food, or even his litter boxes. I want to pretend he is just hiding under the bed and will come sit by me any minute now. I don’t want to cry because then it will be too real. I feel no need to fix this. I fully intend to sit with the struggle for a while.
One of the life lessons I learned as a foster parent is that the fear of heartbreak prevents us from living in a way that allows our hearts to heal. Hearts are made to be broken. And today I am taping the break together and caressing the crack. Maybe tomorrow I will let it fall open and let the sorrow wash me clean. Maybe not till next week.
I have been going through pictures of last summer and remembering all that happened and I am amazed that I survived it all intact. I can also see so much more clearly how important it is for me to simplify and organize the chaos. I need more room in my home, my day, and my heart for all the good things that will heal and break my heart.