Im back!

I have a computer again!  This means I can blog again!  I have missed being able to write down my thoughts and feelings.  I see this as a journal, a letter to my better self, to my adult daughter, to some anonymous friend who connected with that one thought.   I had so many thoughts that just didn’t get any ware, half-truths, and glimpses of  insight that I didn’t have the time to explore.   I am sure the important ones will come back around.   My life, my heart, my mind, my home are just as chaotic as ever.

I have been thinking about marriage a lot lately.  Mariah has announced her engagement to Beckham, a boy in her preschool class.  She is in love with another boy, but the other boy doesn’t return her affections and Beckham has promised to buy her a pretty dress for the wedding.  I told her she is not allowed to get married till she is 30 and she is good with waiting.   I try to tell her she should hold out for a boy who makes her tummy tickle and will buy her a dress, but she is not listening.   She likes the attention.  She likes being pursued.  Sigh.  I have a lot of work to do in the next few years.

My sister is also getting Married.  I am so thrilled that she has found the man she wants to grow old with.  She has a guy who gives her butterflies and will buy her a dress.  I have wanted love and romance for her for so long, its a blessing to see it happen.  She keeps telling me she doesn’t have the bride gene, but she is going to be a lovely bride.   All the details that I get excited about overwhelm her.  I hope this makes me a great assistant.  Mostly I think it makes me a nag.

My dearest friends marriage is crumbling. They have grown in different directions with too much between them.  The distance seems to be too far to bridge.  I hope they find a way to come back together because they had one of the best, strongest unions.  They were the ones I looked to as the example.

My own marriage is a work in progress.  I have gone through times when I wanted the man but not the commitment and times when I have wanted  the life we built together but not the man.   Marriage is hard, its work, and right now ours is in need of some attention.  That relationship seems to have gotten the short end in favor of  the crisis of the day.  We need a date, we need some time to remember each other as people and not just the guy who didn’t get that thing done or the woman who is never happy because he can never get that thing done.   That is what I need to make sure my daughter understands before she starts really dating, that marriage is not just about a pretty dress, its a commitment to a life together, to making it work, to falling in love with your husband over and over and over again.   And if the distance becomes too great…. I don’t know what I want to teach her about that.

By orderfromthechaos

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